|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship?
Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now. At first it was magic and Dan was so romantic and attentive. Now he is constantly criticizing her or even worse ignoring her completely. When he's not out with his friends he lays around the house watching T.V. expecting her to wait on him. Just when she thinks that she can't stand it any more, he becomes the old loving, romantic Dan once more; however, this never lasts longer than a few days and then he resumes his old behaviors. Kathleen knows that it's time to for a life change but simply can not bring herself to take action. 1. What you see is what you get. We see or perceive the world based on what we choose to pay attention to and how we choose to interpret it. · If you see yourself trapped, then you are You are responsible for what you are attracting into you life right now. Kathleen is attracting Dan's abuse and neglect primarily because she doesn't have the respect for herself to create any boundaries as to how she expects and deserves to be treated. She is choosing to see herself as a victim, trapped in this relationship. Kathleen sees Dan as the problem; if only he would change then her life would be better. His behavior is rendering her powerless in her eyes. Choose what you are choosing to pay attention to and how you choose to interpret it. Choose carefully what you want to see. 2. We always have choices and the one with the most choices wins! Kathleen is choosing to accept Dan's behavior and she really thinks that she has very little choice in the matter. Dan sees that he has an infinite number of choices at the moment and this has given him an enormous amount of power. He is very much like the puppet master pulling the strings. Choose to change your behavior by identifying more and better choices. 3. We have a good excuse for everything that we do. Every behavior is useful or valuable to us in some way. Kathleen's submissive behavior is useful to her in that it reinforces her view of herself as a victim with no choices. Dan's behavior is valuable to him as it reinforces his belief that he is master of his domain. Choose now to determine what is valuable for you in a situation. 4. We do what works for us. Everything that we think, feel and do works to produce the results in life that we are getting. Kathleen's relationship with Dan is on some unconscious level helping her achieve exactly the results that she wants. Don't like what you've got, choose now to change what your doing. 5. You can literally do anything if you believe that you can. What does Kathleen believe about herself that requires her staying in an unhealthy relationship? What ever she believes she will always find lots of evidence in the world to support it. If she listened to her 'self talk' every time she thinks about leaving Dan, she would soon find out what she believes. · I'll never get someone new. It's better to put up with what I've got Choose to examine your beliefs and change them. You created them; you can change them. Look for evidence in the world to support the new belief. 6. Act as if you already have what you want. If you really want to be loved then be loving, not only to others but also to yourself. If you want respect then be respectful, not only to others but also to yourself. Determine what it is that you really want to achieve then behave as if you already have it. If Kathleen wants a loving relationship based on mutual respect then she needs to model those essential qualities not only by how she treats others, including Dan, but also by how she treats herself. In Kathleen's case if she was more loving and respectful of herself she would draw some definite boundaries as to how she expects to be treated. If she really loved and respected Dan then she would expect more from him as well. Lesley Cordero is the President of Cordero Consulting offering personal growth solutions in the form of workshops, keynote presentations, and Internet information resources. Subscribe to her free bi-weekily ezine "Deep Linking" at http://www.LesleyCordero.com and begin to connect with what is really important in your life. Are you ready to 'see things differently?'®
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
When Someone You Love is Moving Your best friend moves a thousand miles, your aunt retires or your brother's family gets transferred. They're moving from Boise to Boston and you live in San Diego. Why He May Be Cheating On You Why He May Be Cheating On YouThere could be all sorts of reasons known only to your man, but there are also those reasons in which women may contribute to, such as: You Let Yourself Go, You Lost Yourself In Him, or You Have No Ambition along with many others. Sometimes women live for their men. Women Are Not Aliens One of the very worst mistakes a man can make with a woman is to believe that she's an alien creature of some sort. By this I mean that it's a mistake to view women from the stance that they are an entirely different sort of being in every way possible. Improve Relationships With Style Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes, are they inevitable? Is there anything to do to minimize the mess? Can cleaning a messy relationship be possible? How do you manage a relationship with some many different kind of people?GET TO THE POINTMaybe a forceful, loud and lively person gets your attention with their to the point style in a meeting or encounter. If you ask him or her about any of their goals or what they are up to, what sticks out most is their remarks wrapped in "what it will do for me. The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her a gift that will thrill her, really show her how much you care for her. I am always trying to do this for my wife and it takes a serious game plan. Single in a Couples World Advertising for St. Valentine's Day seemed more relentless than ever this year. The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World Have you noticed the trend?You ever notice how on programs like "The Bachelor" most of their dating episodes are via limousine escort? They travel to lavish destinations amid scenic splendor. The sunsets are so beautiful you can almost hear nature singing its own rendition of, "Love Is A Many Splendid Thing". You CAN Improve Your Relationship It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of the most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It's as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. Stand By Your Man: No Matter What? We all heard the report of a prisoner escaping after his wife shot and killed the correctional officer transferring him to another jail.What would motivate a woman to kill someone and let her actions render her vulnerable to the death penalty - for a few hours with "her man?" Was he so incredibly special that death was preferable to living without him for a few years?If the positions were reversed, would he have risked the ultimate penalty to aid in her escape? Or would he have shrugged and moved on to a new partner?We are all aware of glaring differences in the psychological makeup of men and women (aside from the often enormous individual differences within any one gender). Relationship Advice: 10 Tips for a Blissful Relationship 1.Often in marriage, especially in the early years, there is a choice: You can be right or you can be happy - not both. Hold Em or Fold Em? Like a great game of poker, knowing when to "Hold Em" and when to "Fold Em" is a great phenomenon to some of us. Our lives and loves are much like a game of poker, you start out with a full pot and slowly over time the rewards either multiply or diminish. Nip Verbal Abuse in the Bud So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic of the new relationship. This includes how you react together as a couple, with each other, and in group settlings. No More Lonely Weekends! How do you react when you are faced with spending another weekend alone because nobody has invited you to do anything with them?Do you mope around the apartment, hoping that the phone will ring, and wishing that somebody, somewhere, will call to invite you to do something?Just because no one has invited you to do anything with them, doesn't mean you have to spend your time alone feeling lonely, depressed or bored. You can actually make sure that you fill your spare time with activities that you really enjoy. Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for what I call a multilevel apology.Anyone can say "I'm sorry," and it's important those words are spoken. Living in Fear! As we are aware, our relationships are that bigger part of our life, and our own personal growth. Our growth starts basically from our relationships. A Recipe For Romance So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic evening with your Lady. Rekindling An Old Flame Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychology professor at California State University, Sacramento, is the only researcher of couples who reunited with former sweethearts. 10 Things Never to Say to A Guy 1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him when you see him. Add Trust To Your Relationship Trust is something that is important to every single relationship you have. No matter if it is a relationship of friends, family, or even a relationship of lovers; trust must be there to make it successful. How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception? Many of us have heard about the power of positive thinking to effect a change. The idea is not new, it stems from modern psychology as well as from ancient spiritual teachings.
|
 |
 |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|||||
| Pendle Writers .com © 2006 | |||||
