|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
14 Relationship Principles to Live A Successful Relationship
Each relationship combines two individual stories to coauthor a new relationship story. The implicit contracts authored by each party in a relationship become unspoken assumptions that can facilitate or derail the relationship. A crucial part of communication in a relationship is to make explicit the hidden assumptions and implicit expectations. To see the point of view of the other and to communicate that understanding, each must respect the other's point of view. Understanding and respect are not synonymous with agreement. The ultimate freedom is not to rely on someone else's response to determine how you feel about yourself. Ineffectiveness of communication, simply feeling that what you said was not heard or registered by the other, may result in irritation or anger. So often the content of the discussion is focused on with greater intensity, rather than the process initiating the derailment of feeling ineffective in not being heard. 14 Relationship Principles 1. Each person has a point of view. Communication is the establishment of a common ground to understand different points of view to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. 2. Developing empathy with another is predicated on doing it with yourself first. Empathy is a way of listening to yourself as well as to another person with resonance of an entire experience of feeling, thinking, perceiving, and behaving. 3. Rapport is from the French word rapporter which means to be in touch or contact with a person, including yourself. 4. With emotionally charged subjects, reflect back to someone what you hear them saying before saying what you will say. This reflection assures the other's sense of effectiveness in knowing that you register what was said, and better positions him or her to hear your point of view. 5. What someone believes is more important than what they know. 6. Requiring that others respond to you in a particular way renders inauthentic the person and their response. 7. We are always communicating; there are many languages, and some even use words. "Do not the most moving movements of our lives find us all without words?" (Marcel Marceau) 8. What you don't do is as important as what you do. 9. Strike while the iron is cold. Known when to be reflective and invoke principles. When a child is drowning is no time to teach rules of swimming. 10. There are few true emergencies in life. "I'd like to think about that and get back to you" is a response. 11. Everyone fails empathically with another at times. Most important in a relationship is how the empathic ruptures are learned from to then come together with greater understanding. At times the most important thing may not be what you have done, but what you do after what you have done. 12. To forgive someone is to free yourself. 13. You cannot change yourself by first trying to change someone else. To have someone live an unexpressed part of yourself can be both unsatisfying and addictive. 14. The only person you can change is you. Attempting to change someone else's mode of processing or personality style won't work, and will create derailments. Quicken software will not change to WordPerfect. Relationship Principles Applied to Marriage 1. Marriage is the most difficult and complex contract someone can enter into that they will ever know. Communication is vital as an ongoing effort. Remember to reflect back what you hear the other saying first, in order to maintain effectiveness in communication. 2. Discuss how to facilitate meeting needs, as well as needs of love and connection in the relationship. 3. Be present to yourself and to your partner. 4. Limit spending the currencies of worry, regret, remorse and suffering. 5. Distinguish self issues from relationship issues and commit to work on both. 6. Collaborate on how to maintain romance, sensual pleasure and the "in love" feeling; when these experiences evolve over time, it does not have to mean a diminution of love, romance or excitement. 7. Recognize gender-specific and unique individual characteristics. For example, creating pleasure for a woman may include the romantic experience of candles, music, and a special dinner. The same pleasure for a man may include a certain dress, lingerie, and a graphic sexual encounter. RELATIONSHIP EXERCISE These reflections are designed to clarify and facilitate the developing a more satisfying relationship. 1. How did we do in our last conversation? How do I feel about that? 2. What patterns in our relationship and conversations do I want to expand? To change? To not create? 3. How do I feel around him/her? 4. Am I being all of myself in the relationship? 5. What judgements do I make of myself around this person? What judgments do I make of him/her? 6. What judgments or criticism do I assume and expect? 7. What do we each want from the other? 8. What do we each need from the other? 9. Am I relying on this person to provide some need or want that I could provide for myself? 10. How could I better support my partner? 11. What could I communicate to him/her know more about what I want and need? 12. What do we do for fun? How can we expand what we do for fun while taking into account our individual interests and definition of fun? David Krueger, M.D. is an Executive Strategist/ Professional Coach who mentors executives, entrepreneurs, and authors. http://www.executivestrategist.biz execstrategist@aol.comHe is author of 11 books on success, money, work, and self-development. This article is excerpted from Dr. Krueger's 12th book, soon to be published, LIVE A NEW LIFE STORY: The Essentials of Change, Reinvention, and Personal Success.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
A Look In The Mirror That's all it takes to change the world. Take a long hard look in the mirror and really notice who you are. Make the Eat and Earn Connection If you've ever thought about wanting to increase your physical energy and wouldn't mind increasing your financial as well, you have to read this right now!Focus #1 - Name Your Hunger/Want/Desire/Achievement? You know what you want to change better than anyone else. It is that nagging voice in the back of your head that speaks to you every time you go against it (i. Achieving Your Definite Major Purpose (Excerpts From The Book)Successercising"The Science Of Success Achievement Course"The Equivalent To A PhD In Success From The University Of Hard KnocksIn his all time best selling book, Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill mentions in his first chapter that throughout the book he will be referring many times to "The Carnegie Secret." He said he would not tell you what that secret is, but when you are ready, it will jump off the page and into your brain. Quick Tips On Becoming The Best In Your Field Want to be the best in your field?Edward W. Smith, motivational speaker, author and TV show host, who specializes in quick tips on how to move your life ahead even faster, offers the following advice. Digging To The Root Of Your Problem Most people have some aspects of themselves that they would like to change. But how often do you dig deeply to find the root of the problem?You have to address the issues that need to be changed. The Power of Desire- Part 2 Let's continue where we left off in Part 1.. The Revolution Begins When YOU take Control I'd like to share a story with you about two interesting people that we ALL know.Ms. Communication Quiz: Are You a Great Communicator? Communication, which occupies approximately 70% of our waking hours, is what many leaders find the most frustrating. The fact is most of us were never taught how to communicate in a way that produces desired results, so we continue to experience frustration, resistance, conflicts, or breakdowns. Whats in a Name ? What's In a Name?How often have you thought about the name that you were given? Do you know what your name means? Have you lived up to the wonderful meaning of your name?I haven't given much thought to my name in a long time until recently. For several reasons, my name is giving me a lot of respect in this community that I've joined. How to Develop the Genius within You Inside each one of us there's a seed of greatness, a seed of genius. You are a special and complete human being and so is everyone else. A Story Of Unbelievable Persistence Dick and Jay sat on the ground outside the shed. The rain pelted down on them. Courage to Change This is a story about a woman we will call Anne, a thirty-five-year-old woman who concluded that she could never find a man. She determined that loneliness was her fate and thus went as far as accepting it as fact. The Three Pillars of Life We all have the power to change our lives. What differentiates between those who take the action to change and those who just sit on the sidelines are three basic human endowments. A Life of Adventure? In a conversation recently, a friend remarked to me: "Every man dies, but not every man lives." If you think about it, that is profoundly true and rather disturbing. The Way of Attraction - Walking the Path "Slowly, slowly, walk the pathand you might never stumble or fall.Slowly, slowly walk the path and you might never fall in love at all. Complete Self Acceptance One of the most important parts of Personal Mastery is 'Self Acceptance'. This is much more than the usual 'self esteem' issues that we hear about, although that's a part of it. The Manifestations Of Self A man is captive within himself. He dwells in a freedom which is confirmed to bounds, he breathes in an ambience ensnared to limits, he nurtures a shriveled valiance with the quaint promises of trepidation, he is infinite to his content and eternal only to his perception. Will You Be Part of the Bigger Picture? With all the media attention you've probably become aware that there is something huge going on in the world, but are you part of this bigger picture?Day-to-day you'll be busy contributing to your household: cleaning tidying, earning money and taking care of your partner's and your children's needs as best you can. On a home front you've probably got it sorted. Living Life to the Full: 20 Steps 1. Emotion: We are emotional creatures and as in all things avoid excess. The Path of Appreciation Without appreciation, any success you have will be in vain and worthless. Yes, you would have accomplished your goals but it would be an empty win.
|
 |
 |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
|
|||||
| Pendle Writers .com © 2006 | |||||
